Stranger In Moscow Ch. 7

"Mr. Jackson…" One of them trailed off, looking embarrassed. "Yes?" I asked, growing apprehensive. A very stiff-looking lawyer stepped forward and cleared his throat," Mr. Jackson, do you remember the little boy, Devin that stayed with you before you married Jamie?"  Confusion was heavy in my voice," Um… Yeah…"
"His father is accusing you of child molestation."
"WHAT?!?!" Jamie screamed, as I stared in shock, the words not really registering in my mind. "Why would they do that?" Ethan asked, as cool and collected as ever. "Don't worry,"
Another said," They are willing to settle." Head in my hands, voice muffled, I said," For how much?" The lawyers voice was uncertain, like they didn't know what I would do if they told me," About $20 million." Jamie voice was full of venom," No. We won't do that. They're just taking advantage of Michael."
"No, Jamie, we'll do it. I don't want this to grow out of proportion."  Everything had a strange detached feeling. Sometime in the middle of the night, during my dreaming, the realization (Hand in hand with the pain) hit. I woke up to the sound of my own screams, tears already streaming down my face. Jamie woke up to my sobs, and I buried my face in her chest. She cried with me. After several failed attempts, I managed to tell her she needed to leave. I was hiding most of the pain, for her benefit. She wouldn't leave at first, but I convinced her. As soon as she was gone, I locked the door, and with no strength to make it back to the bed, collapsed on the floor, sobs racking my body. Shivers ran constantly down my spine, my head pounding, throat burning, I curled up in a ball, instinct telling me that it would keep me safe. Who was I protecting myself from? Me?  I didn't know anymore. The whole night, I was hurting, I felt alone again. When I met Jamie, I thought, "I can finally open myself up, hide nothing, and feel whole again." I knew now, that that wasn't true. My soul was bleeding, and not even Jamie could patch it up this time. It hurt, and I needed someone to help me. Everything in my body told me to get help, from anywhere, I couldn't. No one should have to share this with me. "I need to sleep..." I thought, so I went to the bathroom, and got out a little bottle. "No, no, you promised yourself that you wouldn't do this anymore..." Just tonight... Just tonight... I squeezed the little bottle tighly, and poured a pill into my hand.
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In the morning, I got up, stiff from curling in on myself all night. I groaned, and went to see how terrible I looked. My eyes were red, and bags were under them. I opened the door, and Jamie was curled up with a blanket next to it. I smiled slightly. She was so sweet. I didn't deserve her. I remembered what I had done last night, and repented feverently. All night I had chanting in my mind," The last one... The last one... The last one..." Until I fell into a deep sleep, nightmares attacking me. She sat up, and rubbed her eyes. "Are you okay?" Jamie asked, looking at me uncertainly, afraid that this morning would be no better than last night. The ghost of a smile touched my lips," Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry you had to hear that." She stood up and rubbed my shoulders," If it was that bad for me, I can't imagine how it must've been to be you last night." I kissed her hair," Jamie, I love you, and I promise never to put you through that again. This is going to be fine." She wrapped her arm around my waist, and we began walking downstairs," Michael, for your sake, I hope you're right."